Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
