You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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