the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
