I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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