if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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