he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize