i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Someone shattered a urinal.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
