Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
