my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
