worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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