I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
