the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
