Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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