Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize