i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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