a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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