I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
