I want to stick my p in your. b.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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