I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
