He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
