these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
