Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
