I feel like I'm in dance class right now
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We need a shit load of segways right now
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
