I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
