It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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