He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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