i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Blood and glitter go together right?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
