I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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