I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
