I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
