So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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