I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
