ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he quoted the bible to break up with me
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
