My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i think my cat just said my name.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
