my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
