I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
