Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
