On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
