The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
