Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
