the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
