i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
