We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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