I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
