i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
