and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
