Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
