There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
