birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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