WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
