Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
