By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize