this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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