i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
