Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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