i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I party with great urgency now.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
