I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
