how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
