she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
