I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I think my fart just growled at me.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
