Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
