good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
