everyone is single if you try hard enough
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
