thus making me awesome and them whores
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
