Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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