She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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