Just fell off a train. Bad.
Porn is love you can see.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
