I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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