i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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